Speak Up for Yourself!
In the business culture of 2010 it’s still widespread for the gender roles to be strongly defined with (often supported) male aggressive behavior and female deferent behavior. Ladies, I urge you to take more control of your professional persona and speak up at work!
According to Dr. Linda Tillman, a licensed Clinical Psychologist and founder of SpeakUpForYourself.com being assertive is an honest and authentic expression of one’s feelings, opinions, and needs. It is often associated with positive self-esteem and a better self image. When you communicate assertively you express what you want in a clear manner respecting the rights and feelings of others as well as your own.
Aggressive behavior can be filled with anger, bullying, subjugation and punishing language to infer guilt or shame. This is nasty stuff and we’ve all seen it in action. I urge you all to be empowered at work and in life and embrace your inner confidence to speak up and communicate with power so you are valued and heard.
We’ve all heard the powerless and ineffective communication trap that some women fall into by letting their tone rise at the end of a sentence indicating a question when it should be a declarative statement. Pop your inner vocal helium balloon and end your statements with conviction. I call this a sturdy dismount when ending a sentence and encourage my students and clients to envision a gymnast landing solidly into the floor after a flip on a balance beam.
Dr. Tillman also echoes my strong feelings about women who over apologize. Save the “I’m sorry” for when you’ve actually done something wrong. So many women use this as filler and a way to excuse yourself for little things that don’t need excusing. Life happens – just apologize for the big and relevant things.
So how do you become more assertive and communicate with power? Here are some tips from Dr. Tillman that we can all learn from.
- Develop a value and belief system that allows you to assert yourself. Give yourself permission to be angry, or to say no, or to make mistakes. You are human after all.
- Resist giving in to interruptions until you have finished what you have to say. You can assertively respond: “Just a moment, I haven’t finished.”
- Stop self limiting behaviors such as over smiling, over nodding, tilting your head or avoiding another person’s gaze. Eye contact is powerful, use it to your advantage.
- Listen and let people know you heard what they have said.
- Use “I” language to be clear and constructive about your feelings:
- When you do (behavior)…the effects are (results) and I feel (emotion).
You need to practice assertive behavior so it becomes natural and second nature to you. Enlist trusted family and friends for constructive feedback and reward yourself when you achieve a desirable result due to assertive behavior. By being assertive you will raise your professional clout at work and command the respect you deserve.
